Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Other Side

There is a group of Korean adoptees out there who are very vocal and very well written. It is to my discredit that I’ve often hoped that they were not so well written and vocal. As a whole, I enjoy reading the other side. One of the best books I read was the history of the American Revolution written from the British point of view. However, I’ve discovered that I avidly avoid several of these Korean adoptees’ writings. I realized how bad it had gotten this evening when I wouldn’t even open a link because I saw who had written it.

I’ve always understood why adoptive parents (non-Korean adoptees) have chosen to avoid these sites. I do not understand why adoptive parents who don’t want to hear what they say choose to go to these sites and then insult the writers. Perhaps it is a jerk reaction to defend the choice that you made. I’m not sure. It’s hard to read some of these sites without coming away a little disturbed or depressed.

It finally hit me while I was putting my son to sleep tonight. I know why these sites make me so uncomfortable. It’s because it forces me to ask a question. Why don’t I agree with them? The problem is that I don’t have the answer. It disturbs me that there is a question out there and I don’t know where to begin to search for the answer.

A part of me thinks that I should know this answer. I lived it. I should know why I embraced adoption as a fact of my life and why I am fine with who I came to be. If I knew this answer then I could guide my son in the same direction…right? The mystery would be gone. Yet here I stand (or sit) and I don’t have the answer. I lived it and I don’t have a clue how I got here.

I realize now that one of the reasons I avoid reading their posts, articles and books is that I envy them. The Korean adoptees who don’t support adoption seem to be able to lay out their reasons with bullet points. Here I am…thirty-one years a Korean adoptee and two and a half years the mother of a Korean adoptee and I can’t even add one bullet point to my list. I just am the way I am. Most likely, my son will be just the way he wants to be too.


Anonymous said...

Hi Mo,

I've really enjoyed reading your blogs because we seem to have a lot in common. I am a 31-year old Korean adoptee who is in the process of adopting from Korea.

I grew up in California, where being in a biracial white/asian family seemed normal to me. I never even knew about this "other side" until I started doing some online research when my husband and I started our adoption process. Your post just now sums up my feelings and thoughts really well.

I'm really glad your voice is out there on the web. It makes me feel like my experience is being represented too. Thank you.

Mo said...

It's so nice to see that I'm not alone.

Anonymous said...


I truly feel that being a Male Korean Adoptee has been more difficult than being female in this country. I am for every child to have a home, and being surrounded by loving parents. Do not every child deserve to find and understand LOVE?

However, even after my personal "success" of adoption and integration into main stream Americana life; do I support transnational adoption?

YES only in the circumstance of having found a family that truly has loved me since age 5; but NO because of the toll of loss, having lost much. It is indeed a very complex issue and right now I'm fighting to have DUEL CITIZENSHIP and having my rights back and voice in being KOREAN.