Things to Share

Here are some things that I was thinking I could share with my son when he is older:

• Love is essential, but communication is key. I know now that the “love conquers all” battle cry is not always true. Love can not protect you from the hateful words of intolerant people and it can not protect you from the mixed-up feelings that adoption can bring. Being prepared for the hateful words and being prepared for the adoption issues – priceless.

• Every adoptee is a little different. I know how I reacted and I know how my sister reacted. I talk to other adoptees and read their stories, so I know that none of us are the same. Some of us are similar, but none of them are the same. So, I can share that with my son so that he knows that whatever he decides to feel is just fine.

• Adoption is forever a part of our lives, it can not be used as an excuse. It is so easy to blame adoption for all of our problems. It’s natural to want to make things simple and it’s natural to want to blame something other than ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our actions and our feelings. Adoption might be a part of our issues, but it can not be used as an excuse.

• The word culture can not be given a tidy little definition. Culture is huge and beyond human definition. I define who I am. I am comfortable with who I am. People can tell me that I need to embrace the Korean culture. People can tell me that I need to be more “American.” I choose to make my own culture.