Tuesday, April 20, 2010

We Are All Different

Having a second adopted child has reminded me of a topic. I am reminded that we are all different. I have yet to meet another Korean adoptee who is just like me. There are four of us now in my family and we are all different. I can even see the twinkle of differences in the newest to join the family.

Sometimes, I think that we all forget those differences. Adoptive parents and Korean adoptees (myself included) share stories about how we grew up and how experiences affected us. However, everyone has different experiences and events that shape our lives.

I read stories by other adoptees and I am often upset by their conclusions. Their reactions will sometimes cast a shadow over my own experiences. The logical part of me knows that we are all different, but the illogical part of my brain still worries. Sometimes, I have been concerned that prospective adoptive parents use my experience as justification for their decision to adopt. My experiences alone cannot be the basis for a decision. The decision always has to be looked at from all possible angles. Awhile back, we received some news that I found unsettling, but worked through it with my husband. I told him, "I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst." I am covering all my bases.

Too often, though, I think that members of our adoption community are too tied up in their side only. They are not willing to look at the other side and consider that their way is not always the right way for everyone. Korean adoptees like myself who had positive experiences. Korean adoptees who did not have positive experiences. Adoptive parents who believe in sending their children to Korean schools. Adoptive parents who choose not to introduce the Korean culture to their children at all. We are all different and we will all make our mark on this world in our own way. Is it the right way? We'll find out.


theycallmejane said...

Interesting perspective. I'm glad I found your blog. I have two children adopted from Korea. And as you point out, I'm one of those parents that seaches desperately for only positive reactions/posts/experiences with Korean adoptees. This post has given me a little shake and reminded me to take in account ALL experiences. It's always best to look at things from all angles.

KellyJ said...

What a great blog! As an adoptive parent, I'm very interested in your thoughts. I adopted my daughter last year from Kazakhstan. Her birthparents were both at least partly Korean, and probably from Uzbekistan.

My little one is only two, and so far we've only talked about "our story." Soon she'll want more background ... I'm still trying to figure out how much of each culture she'll be interested in ...