On Common Bonds…

I took a short unexpected hiatus. Before my son’s arrival, my husband and I were pretty boring people. We stayed at home most weekends. Now, it seems like we have multiple somethings going on each weekend and most week days. To top it off, I’ve signed my son up for soccer (at his request) and I’m contemplating swimming lessons. I’m having a hard time remembering the “boring” days, but I am thinking of them fondly at the moment.

Anyhow, I have meant to respond to a comment on my earlier post. The commenter was mentioning the fact that adoption is not always enough to bind adoptive parents together. I agree one hundred percent. It’s also not enough to bind adoptees together.

I’ve always believed that having a common bond can bring people together, but it takes more than just one common bond to keep people together. People have mentioned the fact that I don’t have any friends who are Korean adoptees and I currently don’t have any friends who have adopted Korean adoptees. I have acquaintances who are Korean adoptees and parents of Korean adoptees. I enjoy their company, but they aren’t on the same level as friends. I wrote about it before (but I can’t remember when or where) because everyone always seems to think that Korean adoptees should automatically be friends (thus the playgroups and the multitude of get togethers). It’s like saying that all people with blond hair and blue eyes should be friends.

I met my friend C on the first day of college. We were assigned as roommates. We had an instant connection. On the surface, we were very different – blond hair v. black hair, blue eyes v. brown eyes, etc… On the inside, we are also very different – politics, religion, etc… However, we enjoy each other’s company and none of the differences matter. That is a common bond.

So, my general opinion is it never hurts to throw yourself into situations where you will meet other adoptees and parents of adoptees, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t find a connection. I know I don’t.