Monday, September 04, 2006

The Way It Could Have Been…

It has come to my attention that I have not been doing a very good job of keeping up on this blog. Truthfully, it’s been all I can do to come up with enough to write on my other one. However, if you’re going to start something…you should follow through.

I was thinking a little bit about alternative scenarios. It is so easy for Korean adoptees to think about the way it could have been. Imagine all of the little things and big things that fell into place that brought you to the place you are today.

I sit with my son and my husband in my nice house with my three cats wondering around near or feet and I can’t imagine things turning out any other way, but I know that feel differently. A shuffle of paperwork and I could have been adopted by another family in the United States or even in another country all together. Perhaps in one of the other scenarios I wouldn’t have bonded with my parents or I would have lived in a society less accepting than the one I actually grew up in.

Sometimes, imagination can be dangerous. In my imagination my other scenario can be perfect. It can make my current life seem flawed and wrong.

I worry about this when I look at my son. Right now he’s happy with his current scenario as long as he has his cars and his trains. One day, he’s going to think about alternant scenarios and I’m going to have to talk to him about what can and can’t be changed. How am I going to do this? I am the first one to remind everyone that Korean adoptees are not all created equal so my parent’s strategy will not necessarily be mine. Like everyone else, I’m just going to have to wait and see and hopefully the right words will come when the moment is right. (Or, it will be a disaster and I’ll scar him for life.) Isn’t parenting fun?

3 comments:

Michelle V said...

Ahhh,Mo, but as a woman who grew up with her birth family, we also have imaginations of what if senarios that never played out... What if I was born to that mother over there, What if I was born to my friends family. What if I'd been adopted by my favorite Aunt. Good post. Nice to find you!

Michelle V said...

Ahhh,Mo, but as a woman who grew up with her birth family, we also have imaginations of what if senarios that never played out... What if I was born to that mother over there, What if I was born to my friends family. What if I'd been adopted by my favorite Aunt. Good post. Nice to find you!

MarylandMommy said...

I agree with Michelle. I grew up with bio parents but had bio grandparents who never accepted me. They lived about 10 minutes away but disowned my mom when she got pregnant with me. I grew up yearning for grandparents who loved me--but they never did. But, it also taught me that blood really never meant anything to me in my eyes.

I can only hope my children grow up knowing they are so loved AND by so many friends & family.

I agree--this parenting stuff is hard work!