tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-258950552024-03-23T13:51:22.246-04:00Korean-AdoptionWho am I? I am a thirty-something Korean adoptee. We adopted our sons from Korea in 2004 and 2010. This blog is to share some of my personal experiences as an adoptee and as the parent of an adoptee. I may also slip some other things in when my mood takes me there.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-90142422997513157882011-01-05T21:09:00.003-05:002011-01-05T21:36:08.236-05:00Kimchi ThoughtsIsn't it funny what brings you back to the blog. It is amazing how the addition of our newest has consumed my time and thoughts. However, tonight I was having kimchi thoughts...so I hopped over to write them down.<br /><br />My sister and I were recently having a discussion on kimchi. Her boyfriend does not like the smell of kimchi. As a whole, I like kimchi, but I had to agree that I wasn't that fond of the smell that it leaves in my refrigerator...so, I just make sure I eat it when I have it. Anyhow, during our conversation, my oldest son had to add his two cents (as usual). "I don't like kimchi," he told us. This is true. I have a picture of him trying kimchi for the first time and it's priceless. I think we teased him about being very "un-Korean-like" or something like that and he just made faces at us and ran off to play.<br /><br />So, nearly two weeks later (both boys are asleep), I find myself with time to think and for some reason the kimchi conversation popped into my head. From there, I started to think about when I started liking kimchi. Then I started thinking about when I tried kimchi for the first time. I can vaguely remember going to a Korea-American picnic when I was an early teen and refusing to try it and my next clear memory of kimchi was when I was well into adulthood. In fact, I think it was shortly before we adopted our oldest son. Someone once told me that I must like kimchi because of my Korean genes. Really?<br /><br />He tried kimchi, I remind myself. Why must he like it? My mother's family is Irish. Does that mean she has to know how to dance the Irish jig? Well, actually, she does know how to dance the Irish jig...that's not the point. I like kimchi. I hate mushrooms. I love pasta. Am I Italian? Or, am I just hungry and in desperate need of sleep?<br /><br />Bottom line, just because we were born in Korea does not mean we have to love all things Korean. I'm going to guess that even people who do live in Korea don't love all things Korean. So, no more "un-Korean-like" statements from me. He's who he needs to be and that's what is important.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-9187859517927638422010-05-24T16:22:00.003-04:002010-05-24T16:56:33.542-04:00What We Don't KnowI had forgotten how busy a small person can keep you. I had thought that I would be able to write more while I was off on leave (due to the arrival of my son), but I soon came to realize that time is not something I have to spare. I had become spoiled by my six year old son's independence.<br /><br />Today, however, I found myself thinking about what I don't know. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot that I don't know, but that's what makes me human. Fortunately, my thoughts were a little more grounded in the adoption world and didn't take me out to all the other things that I can't possibly know.<br /><br />I do know basics about our newest arrival. I know basics about his birth parents and I have medical history since he was born. I know that he had a foster mother who loved him and took very good care of him - you can see it in the pictures and the video. I know how many bottles he had every day and if he took naps.<br /><br />What I don't know speaks volumes. I don't know exactly what his birth mother was thinking when she made the decision to place him up for adoption. I don't know if his foster mother held him when he woke up at night or if she patted him on the back and sang him a song. I don't know about his extended Korean family or if they even know that he is here. I don't know if he has his birth mother's eyes or his birth father's hair.<br /><br />I realize that I have more information for both of my children than my parents had. For me, they didn't even have my exact birth date. They knew the basics about what had happened since I had been found, but they had no names to think about when they thought about my birth parents or information about their families. <br /><br />So, I am happy that I have as much as I do, but I also find myself dwelling on what I don't know. Every time my son can't do something, I wonder if it's because no one asked him to do it before or if it's common in his birth parents' family. It's funny, I didn't go here with my first son. Perhaps, with him, I had too many other concerns. This is new for me and interesting.<br /><br />With both of my boys, I had hoped that they would come home with a letter from their birth mothers (or birth fathers). Our social worker had told us that it is happening more often. I know that contact scares some adoptive parents, but I keep thinking about all of the things that I don't know and I wish I had it.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-54052611305542042462010-05-16T19:20:00.003-04:002010-05-16T19:30:37.570-04:00Anything is PossibleMy family went to a University of Michigan baseball game today and it served to remind me of the power of positive thinking. Michigan was down 0-14 and the game had hardly started. The odds looked terrible. Our first Michigan baseball game and it looked like we would go home disappointed. <br /><br />Little by little, Michigan's score started to increase and the other team's score stayed at 14. By the seventh inning, you could see the question in people's eyes. Could they do it? In the ninth inning, Michigan tied the game 14-14 and the impossible had just become possible. A home run hit in the tenth inning and Michigan wins 15-14.<br /><br />No this has nothing to do with adoption, but it served as a reminder to me that anything is possible. I hope that I can hold onto this game and, when things are taking a turn for the worst, I can use this game as a catalyst to drive me forward. I wonder what was said to the Michigan players when the score was 0-14? It must have been inspiring. For my part, I will just remind myself that 0-14 can become 15-14, even if you have to wait until the last inning.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-65046669610599271782010-04-28T14:56:00.003-04:002010-04-28T15:18:03.925-04:00Adoption LanguageI will start this post by telling everyone that I am not someone who is overly sensitive when people outside the adoption community use terms that can be considered negative. We all hear them...words like "real parents" and "you couldn't have your own child" pop up with regularity. I am much more likely to take offense at the tone then I am to the words. A lot of times people say the words without any malicious intent. Quite frankly, if I took offense every time I heard them I would be a very unhappy and bitter person. So, I listen to the tone and temper my response accordingly.<br /><br />With that said, I ran across another adoptive parent the other day. I approached her (which is not normal for me at all) and explained that I was adopted and asked if her son was too. He was and we talked. She proceeded to tell me that she "couldn't have children of her own" and they had turned to adoption. I understood the intent. I don't believe that those words meant she doesn't love her son. However, I couldn't help but wince a little at the words. Quite frankly, I was so astounded to hear it from an adoptive parent that I couldn't even form a response. What if her son heard her say that she couldn't have "one of her own" and misinterpreted the statement?<br /><br />I think that it is important that adoptive parents do their research. Our agency gave us article after article about what phrases can be considered negative. We went to classes and we learned it again. I'll be one of the first to say that I think some of the "positive" adoption language is bordering on "sappy"; however, it's still important to be educated. While I have quite a bit of patience for the non-adoption world, I am afraid that I don't have much for those of us who are immersed in the culture. I am not worried that some random person or acquaintance will get the wrong idea. I am worried that the children will get the wrong idea.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-37036390742968562842010-04-20T15:07:00.003-04:002010-04-20T15:32:57.826-04:00We Are All DifferentHaving a second adopted child has reminded me of a topic. I am reminded that we are all different. I have yet to meet another Korean adoptee who is just like me. There are four of us now in my family and we are all different. I can even see the twinkle of differences in the newest to join the family.<br /><br />Sometimes, I think that we all forget those differences. Adoptive parents and Korean adoptees (myself included) share stories about how we grew up and how experiences affected us. However, everyone has different experiences and events that shape our lives. <br /><br />I read stories by other adoptees and I am often upset by their conclusions. Their reactions will sometimes cast a shadow over my own experiences. The logical part of me knows that we are all different, but the illogical part of my brain still worries. Sometimes, I have been concerned that prospective adoptive parents use my experience as justification for their decision to adopt. My experiences alone cannot be the basis for a decision. The decision always has to be looked at from all possible angles. Awhile back, we received some news that I found unsettling, but worked through it with my husband. I told him, "I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst." I am covering all my bases.<br /><br />Too often, though, I think that members of our adoption community are too tied up in their side only. They are not willing to look at the other side and consider that their way is not always the right way for everyone. Korean adoptees like myself who had positive experiences. Korean adoptees who did not have positive experiences. Adoptive parents who believe in sending their children to Korean schools. Adoptive parents who choose not to introduce the Korean culture to their children at all. We are all different and we will all make our mark on this world in our own way. Is it the right way? We'll find out.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-45159752424928570382010-01-28T12:26:00.003-05:002010-01-28T12:40:15.811-05:00Paperwork is Good?Sometimes, I think that adoption paperwork is a plot against trees. Everytime I think I'm done, I'm printing out more papers to sign and mail back to one location or another. However, I print those papers without a second thought.<br /><br />I know I've talked about it before, but it's high in my mind again because we're going through the process again. Recently, someone told me that they don't think it's fair that we have to jump through so many hoops to adopt when someone who chooses to have a child biologically doesn't.<br /><br />Despite my frustration with the never ending forms, I still have to disagree with that statement. Being a parent is not easy. Why should becoming a parent be easy? If someone is able to make it through the endless months of paperwork, waiting, more paperwork, more waiting...they must really want to be a parent. Right? Okay, not always, but I would guess that many a parent has changed his/her mind somewhere in the process.<br /><br />Perhaps if everyone had to "jump through hoops" before becoming a parent we would have less children waiting for homes. <br /><br />So, I will swallow my complaints and complete my paperwork. I don't think I'll go as far as saying paperwork is good, but I will say that adoption should not be easy.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-92065986204268608412010-01-04T20:46:00.003-05:002010-01-04T20:54:27.173-05:00Welcome 2010I am looking forward to 2010. 2009 was not my favorite year, but I like to remind myself that there are reasons for everything and I hope that the lessons have been learned. For sure, nothing will be the same.<br /><br />The end of 2009 did bring new things. It brought us to a new spot in our second adoption. We received our referral for a little boy and now we are waiting for all of the various pieces to fall into place. I am doing my best not to become too excited. There are too many factors that have to happen and months to wait for a travel call. I know the process and I know that there are sudden pitfalls. After all, my parents had to go their congressman to get my visa completed. However, with the onset of the new year, I do finally feel like we are in the final countdown. It's a nice feeling.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-74302842150821636382009-12-30T16:40:00.003-05:002009-12-30T17:04:47.313-05:00When is it my responsibility?At work, a part of my job is to talk about harassment. I stand in front of new employees and remind them that harassment is more than just the big things...it's also in the subtle things that we do. It could be an off hand comment that you make to the person next to you, the joke that you tell, the phone conversation that you're having with your girlfriend. When it's done at work, it isn't private. I am not trying to change your beliefs, I tell them. I'm just telling you to keep it at home.<br /><br />I am not the type of person that jumps up and yells racism at every comment. In fact, sometimes, I think I am far too slow to react. I have never been a person that enjoys attention and there are times where I let things slide just to avoid the inevitable confrontation. It's something I'm working on, but I suspect that if I am not comfortable in the spotlight yet...I'll probably never get there. <br /><br />One of my family members (who happens to be Caucasian) is always very quick to jump on the racism bandwagon. Truthfully, I don't think that's good either. Sometimes, a comment or an action, though directed at a minority, is not meant to be racist. When people jump to racism first, I think it damages the fight against racism. It makes the actual instances of racism seem less important.<br /><br />So, when is it my responsibility? <br /><br />I know that I am responsible for my own actions. There are times that I have rolled my eyes at my own thoughts and kept them in my head because I realized that I was making a judgement based on stereotypes or news broadcasts. I try very hard to make sure that I think about what I say about other people before I put it into words. Sometimes, even the most good intentioned statement can sound wrong when it is spoken out loud. As a minority that has had these comments directed at me (both the bold and the subtle), it will hurt a part of me to know that I have turned that type of hate on someone else...whether the difference is racial, ethnicity, religious, sexual orientation...<br /><br />I know that I am responsible for teaching my children what I believe is right. Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive to what my son brings home to school. I recently explained to him why pretending to stutter was making fun of people and assured him that by pretending to speak another language some people might thinking he was mocking them. But no, my responsibility is not the other children, but explaining to my children why I don't think certain behaviors are okay. I can't stop the way other people believe (though I can hope they will open up their hearts and minds), but I can keep it out of my house. That is definitely my responsibility.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-21083653196126314302009-10-14T12:52:00.001-04:002009-10-14T12:55:38.811-04:00What Did You Tell Your Child's Teacher?As my son transitioned to public school this year, I realized that I needed to inform his teachers that he was adopted. Up until this point, he’s been in the same center and they knew. I considered just letting it go, but here is why I didn’t…<br /><br />Part of being a parent, is trying to stay in front of the issues. It doesn’t always work the way I want it to, but I definitely make the effort. I don’t believe that a teacher should change their lesson plans because my son is adopted, but I want her to be aware that projects can create potentially awkward questions.<br /><br />When I was in elementary school, I had a project where we were supposed to bring a baby pictures to school and everyone was supposed to guess who the baby in the picture was. I was one of the few minorities (much less Asians) in the whole school district. It was not hard to figure out who I was in the picture and I remember that I was disappointed that everyone guessed me right away. I wasn't mad or upset, but I was definitely disappointed.<br /><br />Another time, we had to tell where we were born. The teacher was putting pins in a map of the United States to show all the different places that people came from. It was harmless, except that I wasn’t born in the United States. As a child, I thrived on my differences. I loved to explain to people that I was born in Seoul, South Korea and adopted in the United States, but I can imagine what it would feel like if you didn’t like explaining your adoption. <br /><br />Personally, I don’t want the teacher to change their plans. As a parent of an adopted child, I look at these projects as an opportunity to talk to my son about his adoption. So, I told my son’s teacher about his adoption for two reasons…(1) I wanted her to be aware. It only hurts my son if she is taken by surprise. (2) I want to be aware of projects that might create issues before they are given. It hurts all of us if my husband and I are not prepared for the discussion.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-62187754398086270912009-09-21T11:54:00.002-04:002009-09-21T12:03:31.074-04:00Forced Back to the Blog2009 has not been a great year for my family. My attention has been entirely on my family and I have not had much time to sit down and write. It's a shame, because I really enjoy it. However, my son has started public school this September and I had a conversation with him that sparked my need to write.<br /><br />He came home and we were talking. He told me, "I know Chinese." He proceeded to talk in gibberish. I had been expecting this. I remember it from when I was in school. I explained to him that if you don't really know the language and you pretend to know the language you are making fun of people. I told him that some people do it just to make fun of people and it isn't nice. "But why do they do it?" He asked.<br /><br />Why? Some people do it because they don't know any better. Some people do it to be mean. Some people do it because they don't like people who look different.<br /><br />My friend and I were talking this weekend and I told her..."I was ready, but I wasn't ready." Does that make sense. I lived it and I knew that there was a good possibility that I would have these conversations, but there was still the part of me that hoped I wouldn't have to.<br /><br />The most important questions that I asked though were "Do you like it when people make fun of you?" and "Are you going to continue to do it?"Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-34717367413265289842009-05-04T12:19:00.003-04:002009-05-04T12:24:16.067-04:00Book Report - Ten Days and Nine Nights<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMk5EyMSI5y0daYEZVDR0YZUP3Nz-mm42GJe957_17JpEtrINRZk7yMeomnp9VtAGcndOiOkDr4wjbOIWoPf-9WvGDJi0uFhUKi59qSLSY6dyFOJAi4JJLV8FbGspmCVQn5cI_NA/s1600-h/Ten-Days-and-Nine-Nights150.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 120px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMk5EyMSI5y0daYEZVDR0YZUP3Nz-mm42GJe957_17JpEtrINRZk7yMeomnp9VtAGcndOiOkDr4wjbOIWoPf-9WvGDJi0uFhUKi59qSLSY6dyFOJAi4JJLV8FbGspmCVQn5cI_NA/s320/Ten-Days-and-Nine-Nights150.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332005252856540402" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Ten Days and Nine Nights: An Adoption Story, by Yumi Heo</strong><br /><br />This is the second book about adoption that I’ve read by a Korean non-adoptee. The first one was Marie Lee’s <a href="http://korea-adoption.blogspot.com/2006/07/somebodys-daughter.html">“Somebody’s Daughter.”</a><br /><br />My favorite part of this book was the pictures. When I was growing up, it was so hard for my parents to find me things with Asian faces (books, dolls, etc…) and I am always pleased when I find something new for my son. This one not only has Asian faces (front and center), but it happens to be about a little girl waiting for her new sibling to come from Korea.<br /><br />The book is a countdown and takes you through ten days and nine nights of waiting. Anyone who has been through the adoption process knows that waiting is the word of the day. I enjoyed it, but because it is a picture book there isn’t a lot of explanation to the pages. I didn’t give my son a heads up when I started reading it and he was pretty confused at first. When we got to the end, he realized that the little girl was waiting just like he is waiting and he really enjoyed it the second time through. Long story short, you might want to tell your child what it is about before you read it.<br /><br />Thank you to Jessica for sending me the book.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-49873342300387094442009-04-14T21:54:00.002-04:002009-04-14T22:01:37.134-04:00Knowledge is Power - Part 2 (It's All About The Child)During our adoption class, one thing one of the social workers (who happened to be our social worker) kept saying was that it’s all about the child and that parents were going to have to do things that make them uncomfortable.<br /><br />I think that, sometimes, adoptive parents lose track of the fact that the adoption is all about the child. Sometimes, we get caught up in the excitement and forget there are so many other issues that we have to address. It is a glorious moment when your child arrives and you are entirely wrapped up in the moment, but we can’t forget that the story didn’t start with us.<br /><br />The social worker asked, “When does your child’s story start?” There was silence in the room and I could see the wheels turning. There is an urge to have your child’s story start with you, but the reality is that your child’s story started long before you. It started with your child’s birth parents and your child’s birth (even though you weren’t there). <br /><br />When we adopted my son, I honestly didn’t realize that this was a big issue; however, I think it’s because my story didn’t start with the people I call Mom and Dad either. Though I admit I’ve been pretty bad about putting together my son’s lifebook (everything is bought and sitting in my closet), we talk about it all the time. Some of the conservations we have been awkward and a little uncomfortable as he tries to sort out the reality of birth parents that he’s never met and live in a place he can’t remember, but I want him to learn the truth from me so that he knows that he can come to me with questions.<br /><br />Here are some things that stuck out to me:<br /><br />1. Your child’s life starts at their birth. Make sure you have as much information as possible to share.<br /><br />2. Be careful how you talk about a child’s birth parents. Be as positive as you can.<br /><br />3. Don’t lie to your child. If there is negative information about their past, give it to them in terms that they can understand, but never withhold information.<br /><br />4. Your child’s story is their story to share. Try to limit the amount of information that is known by family and friends.<br /><br />5. You want them to learn the truth from you and not from someone else, no matter how difficult the truth is.<br /><br />Power to the child!Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-1712021076291989372009-04-11T10:32:00.000-04:002009-04-11T10:35:04.564-04:00Knowledge is Power – Part OneAwhile back, we attended mandatory adoption workshops. I griped and complained a little about going. After all, I am full of first hand experience, but I did enjoy myself and I met some very interesting people. It also served as a reminder to me that all adoptions are different. I believe that the training is invaluable for first time adoptive parents and not a bad refresher for those of us who live and breathe it.<br /><br />Anyhow, the overriding theme of the presentation (in my opinion) was that knowledge is power. I’ve also believed that knowledge is power, but if adoption touches your life (especially international adoption) knowledge is also mandatory.<br /><br />It is important that the prospective parents, adoptive parents and adoptees are armed with all of the information that they can find – the good, the bad and the ugly. The more you know, the less surprise there will be when something new tries to mow you down. Please don’t doubt it, no matter how prepared you are…there will always be something new.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-89702173474494232442009-04-09T12:30:00.002-04:002009-04-09T12:33:42.967-04:00I'm Back!I'm back! My wrist was healed in February; however, to make things short, a lot of things happened between then and now that kept me busy. Hopefully, my life will go back to being slightly boring and I'll have more time to write.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-69588574352151787272008-12-10T18:20:00.002-05:002008-12-10T18:24:24.313-05:00Taking A BreakI'm taking a break, literally. I have a broken right wrist and I am right handed. Typing is a very slow process. I am thinking of ideas though and I'll be back as soon as they let me use my right hand again.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-90989230430077010972008-11-23T18:37:00.000-05:002008-11-23T18:37:36.190-05:00Book Report: Babies Can’t Eat KimchiMy son and I went to the library the other night. In the children’s section, they generally have various books on display right before you enter and a section with a theme right as you walk into the room. Generally, my son heads right to the theme section, but I happened to catch sight of a book that was displayed out front. <br /><br />Babies Can’t Eat Kimchi, by Nancy Patz. It’s a children’s picture book. It isn’t designed to teach about Korean culture or express any moral lessons. It is simply a cute picture book that talks about being a big sister to a new baby. My son enjoyed it because it had pictures of children that looked like him and he did recognize the hanbok. If you have a child and you are expecting a new one, it might be a cute one to borrow from the library.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-42287995569902512762008-11-20T20:10:00.000-05:002008-11-20T20:10:44.832-05:00Did My Race and Ethnicity Affect My Values?As I was completing my paperwork for our adoption, I came across this question. Did my race and ethnicity affect my values? My knee jerk reaction was to say no, but then I thought about it for a second and realized that this was not a yes or no answer.<br /><br />For the most part, my values have been shaped by my family and the important people around me. As I grew older, I watched what they did and decided what made sense and I emulated the people that I respected. Race and ethnicity really didn’t play into my decisions.<br /><br />However, I do realize that being a minority did have a lot to do with how I viewed other people. My parents taught me that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and that we judge people by their actions (not because of the way they look, what they believe in, etc…). I was treated differently because I was a Korean adoptee and I didn’t like it all. I didn’t like that people assume that I should be a certain way just because of how I looked. Therefore, I make an extra effort not to do the same things to others.<br /><br />It always amazes me when a minority expresses a stereotype about another minority or shows prejudice based on assumptions. I have a hard time understanding how someone who has been slapped in the face with prejudice can turn around and slap someone else (Black v. Asian, Asian v. Hispanic, Hispanic v. Native American, etc…). I am not perfect. I find myself jumping to conclusions, but I am aware of the problem and I try very hard not to react to these unsubstantiated conclusions. I am constantly reminding myself that I need to step back and look at the facts. I remind myself to never say the word “all” when talking about people because it never applies. All Asians are not Chinese. All Arabic people are not Muslim. All Muslims are not terrorists. All Black people are not gang members. All Hispanic people are not illegal residents. <br /><br />So, yes, I think that my race and ethnicity did affect my values and the way I value people. I hope that as my children grow older, they look to emulate some of my values and, hopefully, they can take them a step farther.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-6583656628251324292008-11-18T07:09:00.000-05:002008-11-18T07:09:28.931-05:00Race: Front and CenterI am very interested to see how the dialogue on race is shaped in the coming days. The election of Barack Obama has really brought racial issues front and center. No matter what your political leanings are, if you are a part of the Korean adoption circle, race has to matter.<br /><br />If we can get past the petty bickering, this has the potential to be a moment of positive change. When I say petty, I mean the news reports where they show one man or woman making a racial remark and they play it over and over and over again. I know that people say them. I know that some people mean them and I know that some people don’t realize the insult behind the words. Pointing at these people and blaming them for all of the problems of the world won’t fix the problems. I hope that we will be able to use this opportunity to have meaningful dialogue and move forward.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-62476787518343778342008-11-16T15:14:00.000-05:002008-11-16T15:23:00.410-05:00Homestudy: Part OneOur first homestudy visit was Friday. It puts us one step closer to the end. Our social worker confirmed that it could be twelve months before we receive a referral. I suspected this was the case, based on the reports I was reading on the website, but it still didn’t making hearing it fun.<br /><br />When I talk to people, I am always amazed at how frightened prospective parents are of their homestudy. With our first son, I didn’t go through this fear because I had done it when my sister was adopted. I thought my sister’s social worker was going to be a cross between Zeus and Hercules. She held all the power. I was sure that if I didn’t come off as the perfect child, she would deny me a baby sister. Because my parents remained so active in the adoption community and they became good friends with my sister’s social worker, I had lost most of my anxiety with the process by the time I started my own.<br /><br />This time was pretty relaxed. We have the same social worker so we didn’t have to get used to someone new. I told our social worker that I’m going to miss the homestudy process. We told my son that she was coming and he cleaned his room without complaint. We’re talking spotless. <br /><br />Our second visit will be in about a week and then the waiting game begins. It’s absolutely amazing how much of the adoption process is waiting.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-39315625995812483722008-10-25T21:24:00.002-04:002008-10-25T21:25:16.720-04:00Return From The Land of the MouseWe have returned from our trip to Disney World and fun was had by all. However, with our return has come the realization that I still have a lot left to do to complete our adoption application. Prior to the trip, I was having a lot of trouble concentrating on anything except the trip.<br /><br />To my horror, I’ve realized that all of the people we asked to do references have returned their letters and the agency hasn’t received any part of the packet from us yet. I have quite a bit done, but not enough. I haven’t procrastinated this badly since I was in college and avoiding the thought of the next big exam. I was so organized the first time and I can’t even claim partial organization now.<br /><br />My friend who has three children says that this is normal. She said she prepared for her first, never got completely organized for the second and the third was hopeless. I suspect that most of it stems from the fact that you have less time once you have a child in your home that needs your undivided attention.<br /><br />For those of you going through the process for the first time, do as I say and not what I do (or something like that). It made me feel better to be organized and send things as I could. Once I sent it, I felt like I was accomplishing something. I made checklists, I scanned everything (for just in case) and my life was much calmer.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-4998687070063161542008-10-07T20:17:00.002-04:002008-10-07T20:23:18.457-04:00The PhysicalSaturday, I went to the doctor's office for my blood tests and the TB test. One more step towards adoption number two. Thursday, I have my physical.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-47452985085017293412008-09-26T21:38:00.000-04:002008-09-26T21:39:28.125-04:00Arrival DaysToday is my Arrival Day. (And yes, for those of you who haven’t heard my rant over the last couple of years…I generally use Arrival Day. I really dislike (on many levels) the term “Gotcha” Day.) Today has really been a regular day for me, nothing special or exciting. I dropped off my son at school, went to work, picked up my son and came home. Truthfully, the only reason I remember my Arrival Day is because it pops up on my Palm Pilot. (I love my Palm Pilot.)<br /><br />I’ve heard the stories about my Arrival Day. My parents flew to Chicago O’Hare to meet me. In those days (I feel old saying that), you could still wait at the gate. My mother always tells the story with much more drama and flare than I can, but the gist of the story is that they waited for a long time. The plane landed and all of the people came off, but there were no babies. Finally the pilot came out and asked why everyone was waiting and there was (I’m sure) a collective gasp of horror. Someone said they were waiting for the babies and the pilot said, “What babies?”, but then the babies came.<br /><br />When I was little, I used to listen to that story over and over and over again. Since my mother is a natural born story teller, I still hear it from time to time. It is different now for my son. He doesn’t ask me to tell him a story. He tells me he wants to see his movie. He’ll watch it over and over and over again…just the way I listed to my story. How the times have changed (and I’m feeling old again).<br /><br />I’m trying to remember when my Arrival Day became just another day. I think it was in High School, though I can’t remember for sure. It’s still a special day, just not a celebrated day.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-57525382779584582992008-09-18T20:09:00.003-04:002008-09-18T20:14:57.953-04:00I'm ThinkingI've been without adoption thoughts for awhile, but I thought I'd check in. September was full of surprises. Because of his birthday, we weren't planning to put my son in Kindergarten this year. His daycare/pre-school informed us three days before school started that he was ready and they could get a waiver. So, I had three days to adjust to my son going to Kindergarten (private). We think that we're going to send him through Kindergarten again next year (in the public schools) because of his age and size. We had a surprise party for my father-in-law and now I've realized that "SURPRISE" my husband is leaving for a one week seminar in two weeks and we're leaving for Disney World in three weeks. How could this have happened? Where did my summer go?Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-43285440658646714192008-08-24T10:11:00.000-04:002008-08-24T10:13:07.038-04:00Questions & AnswersI’ve been working diligently on writing my autobiography for our second adoption. They gave us a list of questions and I need to write my answers. One of the things that I’ve heard potential adoptive parents worry about is giving the right answers. They don’t like it very much when I tell them there isn’t one right answer. I suspect there are some very wrong answers, but for a large part your answers are telling them about you and how you will work through the adoption process. Just because one answer doesn’t match anyone else’s answer doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means you are different and being different is a fundamental truth in international adoption. It’s better to get used to it now.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25895055.post-77467694022133067382008-08-17T15:25:00.002-04:002008-08-17T15:27:26.127-04:00Items of InterestThird Mom has an interesting <a href="http://thirdmom.blogspot.com/2008/08/richard-boas-speaks-in-support-of.html" target="_blank">post</a> so I thought I'd pass it on. I don't have time to comment on it, but I wanted to share.Mohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11942380766476199209noreply@blogger.com0